Postpartum Sucks.

I never dreamed I'd be watching my daughter get bigger over pictures. I always thought I'd be the one talking her to doctor appointments, telling the world how big she is now.

But sometimes things don't go as we planned.

Sometimes I feel like I'm stronger for what I'm doing. And sometimes I feel like I'm a terrible person. Maybe its just the crazy hormones though.

Sometimes its torture seeing pictures of my baby girl in someone else's arms. And sometimes I feel like, damn, I made a good choice.

But no matter how I feel, in my heart I know that I made the right decision.  Even though my mind may be thinking something totally different.

Today someone asked me about adoption. I didn't know exactly what to say.

Then they asked me a question that broke my heart.

"But don't you love your daughter?"

I honestly wanted to shake them. Rather violently.

Of course I love my daughter. Look at her. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. My heart melts when I see her. She is all I ever think about.

I couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist.

So yes, I love her. Can't you see that I did this because I love her?

There is no greater factor in my decision, than love.

My daughter deserves to grow up in a home with a mother and father. A stable home, where she doesn't have to worry about 'is mom gonna be able to pay for school clothes?'

I couldn't give her that.

So I chose to make sure she would have that.

Please don't ask me if I love my daughter.

Because yes, I fucking love my daughter.