Everyone has a point in their life where they figure out that either they're not happy, or they're not letting go of one thing that can make or break their happiness.
Mine just so happened to be a couple days ago.
I've gone through life craving one thing that I feel like I was never given enough of. LOVE.
Most of you know my story. I lived with my mom and stepfather until I was 13, at which time my sister and I were removed from their custody and placed in the Baptist Children's Home. My stepfather was abusive in every way. To me, to my sister, and especially my mother.
I fought for a long time, pushing away people who truly loved me, thinking that there was only one definition of love. The one I grew up knowing, and seeing. And so I fought for THAT love.
But as I've gotten older, I've seen things from a different point of view.
I know now that THAT version of love is toxic. And will poison anyone who let's it.
I've fought for so long, just for my mother to love me. To feel like she loved me. I've tried to rescue her from my stepfather. Many times. But as many people I love have told me, you can't save someone who won't save themselves. And I can't spend the rest of my life trying to save her from herself. I have a daughter who will hopefully one day look up to me. I want her to be proud of me. And any future children I have as well. I can't let them grow up watching grandma come over with black eyes and bruises everywhere. I can't let them think THAT is okay.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mother. And I always will. But there's a point where you have to start living your own life. Instead of trying to fix someone else's.
So I'm done. I'm not fighting for something that she doesn't want. I'm done wasting my life trying to fix someone.
Many of you are wondering, I'm sure, why I have changed my name on Facebook. The truth is, that in being done with the drama and nonsense of my mother I've realised that I can't just let her go, not without making major changes to myself, and my name. So this is me, changing for the better. I'm changing my name to Isabeau Kristine Oliver. Or Beau for short. And honestly if you have negative things to say, I don't want to hear it.
In me changing my name, I'm trying to change a lot of things. I'm trying to find myself and discover who I am without the pain and stress that I've been dealing with lately and pretty much all of my life.
So, so far here's what I know is true.
I'm 22, I'll be 23 in November.
I have a daughter who is the love of my life, and has the most amazing adoptive parents in the world.
I have a boyfriend who is the most supportive, loving, and all around amazing guy I've ever met.
I have a job, that I sometimes like. Haha.
I have a new car. That I love. (:
Friends whom I adore, and are my family.
Things I love:
My daughter Penelope LeeAnn Salome Frances.
My boyfriend Bryce.
My awesome amazing two sets of adoptive parents/best friends, Kirsten and Kelly, and Kat and Lance.
My cats, Murphy and Cat.
Burgers.
Bacon.
Ice cream.
Movies.
Special Education.
Hard work.
Monsters. (only the green ones.)
Dr Pepper
The color Green.
Things I hate:
Spicy foods.
Being treated like a child.
School.
People who put other people down all the time.
School.
Alcoholics.
Abusers.
School.
Mornings.
People who are rude to servers.
School.
I guess to me, changing my name to something I have chosen, is like cutting that final tie to my mom.
That I can finally start my life living for ME. And so that's why I'm changing it.
